omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
