i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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