if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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