So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
