if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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