so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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