I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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