my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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