I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
