but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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