this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
