i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
