..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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