okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
