All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
