I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
