Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
