hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
