he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
