She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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