worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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