I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
