the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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