I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
