everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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