i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
