Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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