There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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