he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
