i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
