toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would photoshop your dick
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize