It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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