her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
