Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
