my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
