my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
