the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
