so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
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I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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