ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
