the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
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thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
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Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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