every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
