What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
