i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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