I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
