how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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