i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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