I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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