My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
