why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
