May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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