Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
