Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize