he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
