i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
