Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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