her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
