So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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