its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
