Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you didnt know i had herpes?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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