Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
