Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
