my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
