i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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