It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
