I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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