Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I look better un-naked...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
