I just cut my nipple shaving
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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