i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
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just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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