dude i'm inner monologue high
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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