let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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