Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
