bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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