It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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