i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
