you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
