i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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