Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
