Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
