Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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