Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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