Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
