I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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