the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I AM VODKA MAN
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
