you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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