I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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