Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
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