The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
