why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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